


That which begets love

by elliceluella



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post Defenders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 08:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11848080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliceluella/pseuds/elliceluella
Summary: “Maybe he made it out,” Karen says, and her words shouldn’t hurt as much as they should since Foggy’s already accepted his truth that a life without Matt Murdock was bound to happen, was alreadyhere, but they do.In which Foggy tries to move on after the events at Midland Circle.





	That which begets love

**Author's Note:**

> "But what about Foggy?" - my traitorous brain while in the midst of trying to process and parse things out after 8 hours of emotional content.

“Maybe he made it out,” Karen says, and her words shouldn’t hurt as much as they should since Foggy’s already accepted his truth that a life without Matt Murdock was bound to happen, was already _here_ , but they do.

It was just a matter of time, but he’d accepted it. And yet. And _yet._ When those words tumble past her lips something twinges in his heart. The church walls are starting to close in on him and his throat tightens.

But he can’t fall apart. Not this time, not like the past few times. He has to be strong. Matt would want that. So Foggy pushes it all down. He nods and ignores the stinging in his eyes.

“Maybe,” he agrees.

*

He had waited, Karen and him clinging onto each other like lifelines because they’d both fall apart without that contact.

Jessica. Luke. Claire. Danny. Colleen. None of them looked him in the eye and Foggy had never wanted to see anyone walk through a door as badly as he did then. _C’mon Matty, c’mon_.

And then Karen was weeping into his shoulder and he just, couldn’t. Everything was too much. That numbness might’ve been a blessing but Foggy cursed it anyway, along with everything in his life.

Hogarth told him to take a few days off but he came back to the office two days later. “I need to keep busy,” was all he’d said in response to her mildly concerned eyebrows that were arched just so.

The crying had finally come when he’d left the precinct and reached home, Karen’s tears a cool, damp patch on his shoulder.

He'd scared himself, crying so hard he was convulsing and gasping for breath. He had to keep distracted.

*

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Luke says, his hands clasped tight with Claire’s, and Foggy can tell that he means it. There’s an honesty about Luke that reverberates right down to the marrow and inspires similar heartfelt truths. It’s particularly inconvenient now because Foggy has to press his fingernails against his thigh to keep from admitting that he’s scared he’ll never feel right again because Matt was it for him, the one person he loved most in the world. It didn’t matter that it was never the same for Matt. He loved Matt, and Matt was family. It was enough.

He doesn’t even remember the generic reply he comes up with.

The few steps that Claire walks with him to the door weigh so much it takes an eternity to get there. She tells him that it’s not his fault, that Matt made the right call. 

Matt was family and no matter what, through all the hurts and disagreements, family stood together. Getting Matt his suit and helping him get into that building, that was his way of showing that, of showing Matt he finally understood. Or at least, that he was working towards it.

He just wanted to help, but now he’ll spend the rest of his life questioning if that was the right thing to do.

*

If it had almost hurt to think what would've happened to them if Foggy hadn’t made the first move, it definitely did when Matt assumed Foggy was there to judge and almost walked out of Josie’s.

But Matt had listened, and he came back. Maybe this short-term solution wasn’t just for Daredevil. Maybe it was for the both of them.

“What if it doesn’t work?” Maybe they weren’t just talking about case files anymore.

“Then we tried anyway.” And Foggy would be damned if he didn’t try everything in his power to make it work.

He tried to ignore the smile that hung off the side of Josie's usual scowl.

*

They sit, side by side on the pew, the silence a warm blanket just like the one Foggy would wrap himself in after having a good cry. Karen leans into him and sighs.

The stained glass windows brings back memories of two college kids, one desperate enough for good grades that he’d let his roommate drag him to church after a night of marathon revisions. He’d spent the entire afternoon describing the stained glass panels to Matt, telling him about the different colors and shapes and then about the kaleidoscope of refracted light that splayed across the walls. He’ll never forget the way Matt smiled that day, quiet contentment curling at the seams of his mouth, framed by tired, but always warm eyes that weren’t, for once, hidden behind glasses.

Foggy loves his city, but Matt loved it more. Matt wore that love on his shoulders like a burden, a cross to bear.

And now, Foggy will do the same for Matt. He’ll love the city to the best of his abilities for the rest of his days, carry it and wrap it around his shoulders, together with the very last hug Matt gave him all those nights ago.

It’s the least he could do for family.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://ellicelluella.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
